May 2011
1 post
If This Parking Lot Could Speak! Now Available In...
That’s right! After several weeks of re-writes and rounds of edits, I’m proud to say that If This Parking Lot Could Speak is now available in paperback form! Last week, Substance Vs Style posted the book as a pdf that you could download for your Kindle or iPad, but it’s now time for you to purchase a physical copy for your summertime reading!
Thanks so much for reading for the...
January 2011
1 post
Thanks For Reading!
To all of the wonderful people who’ve been following along with these stories over the course of 2010 —
You are sincerely in my debt. I hope you like what you’ve read, as I’ve certainly enjoyed crafting this multi-layered tale of retail and customer service intrigue. What began as a lark (or a bit of exercise for my writing skills) one morning while bored at work at...
December 2010
20 posts
Mr. Walls (Epilogue)
Third Coast Resort
1 Third Coast Way
South Padre Island, TX 78597
November 22nd, 2010
Dear Valued Patron:
We regret to inform you that your favorite vacation home for the past several years, Third Coast Resort, has decided to close its doors for good. This turn of events has come to a shock to us all, but our investors and senior management felt that we could no longer allow the resort to...
Turistas (Part 7)
Our family has come to this resort every year for the past decade or so, and I can’t remember any time when the staff was ever as lackluster as it was on our last visit. Sure, all of our needs were met, but there was never any enthusiasm. Everyone went through the motions – when a five-year-old asks why the guy in the parking lot looks so sad each day, you know something is wrong.
Doesn’t the...
Wobbes & Slats (Part 7)
We’re happy to tell you that we’ve found an excellent new retail space, and it’s only a few blocks away from our current location. It’s slightly smaller and more expensive in terms of square footage, but it’s right on the main drag. Thus, our old customers should be able to find us easily, and we’ll be able to attract new customers quite easily.
Why are we leaving right as the resort begins new...
Blossom (Part 7)
I do feel sorry for Greenie, as I came out to the resort a couple of seasons ago to try much the same thing – free myself from my parents’ clutches and make my own way in the world. The trouble with that approach is two-fold: 1) there’s no real way to create, much less advance, any sort of career at this place, and 2) your parents generally do want what’s best for you in life.
As I see it,...
Greenie (Part 7)
I’m really at a loss for what to do next. Mr. Slate wants me to stay here and assist him with the winter renovations, but Mr. Stripe and Mr. Block warned me that he couldn’t be trusted. The real problem I have with this entire situation is that I don’t have another job or place to stay in this area if I’m not employed at the resort.
I’ve thought about asking Mr. Block for help, but he...
Block (Part 7)
Get this – that pompous prick Slate came to be yesterday and offered me what he called “a second chance.” “A second chance for what?” I asked him. “You know, another chance here at the resort, after you almost got us sued over your shenanigans with that couple,” he responded haughtily.
I told him that I didn’t need him, his condescending attitude, or his job. Stripe and I might not really get...
Slate (Part 7)
Well, I finally got to share my big news with the staff over the weekend. I’m excited to see how everything pans out over the course of the off-season. I have high hopes for this project, as I should be able to flip the results into a partnership for myself here at the resort. If that doesn’t happen, well, let’s just say that I should be able to turn it into a similar (or better) opportunity at...
Stripe (Part 7)
I’m done with this place. I’ve had it. Sure, my mood hasn’t been the best for much of this season, but I’ve been a hard worker who’s tried to be a good employee, and I attempted to rise above the fray whenever I could.
So, I was floored, struck dumb, and totally embarrassed at the end-of-year party yesterday. Slate had this big reveal where he told everyone that Mr. Walls had put him in charge...
Turistas (Part 6)
The Wilsons, our good friends since college, have been raving about this resort for many years, but we’ve never been able to come because the twins were so young. So, we were excited to take them somewhere new for their Fall Break, now that they’re teenagers. Unfortunately, this place has NOT lived up to expectations.
The scenery, weather, and amenities are outstanding, but the mood of the...
Wobbles & Slats (Part 6)
At this time of year, the staff is usually getting nostalgic about the end of the season and starts reminiscing about the events of the past months. This is not the case this year. I’ve never seen a group of people so anxious to get away from somewhere at the expense of everything else. Tasks are barely finished, tempers are short, and apathy prevails. Worst of all is that the customers have...
Blossom (Part 6)
I just got off the phone with my parents. It was a decent call, and it left me with lots of hope. Last week, I received a letter from the premier graduate school I applied to, and it informed me that I hadn’t been admitted for the upcoming Spring semester. The news left me really bummed out, because I knew it would set my plans back a bit, but when I called to school to confirm the contents of...
Greenie (Part 6)
I just got off the phone with my parents. It was a decent call, but it left me in a funk. They can always tell when I’m not enjoying myself, mostly because I’ve never been able to lie to them. Unfortunately, they still treat me as if I’m twelve years old. Instead, I’m twenty-two years old, and I’m tired of relying upon them for everything. More importantly, I’m tired of them thinking that I need...
Block (Part 6)
There are rumblings floating around that my job is still under examination because of that couple that was robbed at Sleepy Rey’s. The wife is still bothering Walls and his bosses, calling foul because they haven’t really disciplined me in any way.
Whatever. If they fire me, I’m sure I’ll find something else quickly. I’m not quitting this place on account of some rich bitch and her complaints....
Slate (Part 6)
Whew. This is going to be a rough off-season around here, complete with big cutbacks across the board. We’ll be stripping the place to bare essentials and looking to re-market the resort as a utilitarian, minimalist retreat center for people wanting a real escape.
To accomplish this, we’ll be selling off some extraneous property and land in order to pay for the remodeling and to bring in some...
Stripe (Part 6)
Things aren’t looking too good for Block right now, but I don’t have time to worry about him. If I don’t find a way to land that promotion I lost a few weeks ago, and do so before the end of this season, there’s no way I’ll get it when next season begins. I’ll have to start all over with that process, and I don’t want to be stuck in this parking lot again.
This has been a rough year for the...
Turistas (Part 5)
OH. MY. GOD! Why wasn’t that fucking waste of space parking lot attendant fired? He knew that bar was rough, but he sent us there anyway! I don’t care that he wasn’t actually there, or that he couldn’t have really known that would happen.
My husband and I were mugged for everything we had on us! It was terrifying! We could have died! I’m just lucky I wasn’t wearing much jewelry that night. My...
Wobbles & Slats (Part 5)
We’ll admit to being frustrated right now. The first thing we thought of when we heard the story of how Block treated those patrons was, “Why wasn’t our place good enough for them?” The second thing was, “What could we be doing to make what we offer more attractive and appealing to more guests?”
That sort of thinking is a bit selfish, we realize, but our shop closing down due to a lack of...
Blossom (Part 5)
I am so done with this place. Not only did Mr. Walls NOT fire that miscreant, Block, but Greenie has started speaking fondly about that jerk’s antisocial tendencies. I know the kid is impressionable, but I didn’t think he’d actually fall under the spell of that ham-fisted, thickheaded loser. I’m truly surprised the kid even has the guts to talk to the guy.
So, not only am I one of the few women...
Greenie (Part 5)
There’s something about Mr. Block that scares and intimidates me. It’s probably because he’s not scared or intimidated by anyone or anything. He’s rough and tough, and faces life with a hard exterior that comes from his military experience.
Me? I was raised in the suburbs, attended a good college, had a decent internship at my Dad’s public relations firm, and started this job at the resort...
Block (Part 5)
Fuck. This. Shit. I don’t want or need to be the center of attention around here, much less my job status to be the focus of wild, unbridled speculation. Sure, I was the jerk who sent those two annoying guests off on a wild adventure, but I didn’t mean for them to get robbed. The worst part of it all is that I don’t even know who did it, since most of my usual crowd wasn’t there that night. They...
November 2010
2 posts
Slate (Part 5)
Wow. I knew that Block fancied himself as a troublemaking iconoclast, but I never imagined him to be the sort of person that would intentionally place strangers in harm’s way. I get the joke – shake up a couple of mischievous suburbanites looking to step outside of their comfort zones, but suggesting they go to Sleepy Rey’s Taco Hut for beers, food, and some fun isn’t the best idea.
Hell, I...
Stripe (Part 5)
Just when I thought that Mr. Walls turning down my promotion was going to be prime grist for the rumor mill over the next few days, Block gift-wraps me a reprieve. Last night, that obnoxious, aggressive malcontent went off script again with some customers. He recommended that they visit this certain seedy dive bar, the one he frequents with his roughneck buddies. Only this time, the couple was...
September 2010
2 posts
Turistas (Part 4)
Excuse me, sir? Where is the nearest place my family can go to relax? We’re all tired from a day full of activities. Really? That’s not where your co-worker told us to go earlier. Oh? You don’t agree with them? That’s interesting to hear. Usually employees at places like this all give the same pat answer because you’re supposed to read from a script.
They do, but you tend to ignore it? Really?...
Wobbles & Slats (Part 4)
It would be easy to fall into the gossip pit that runs this resort, but we’ve found it easy to stay away, since the other employees don’t visit us on a regular basis. They might stop in for an occasional beverage while on their lunch breaks, but most of them don’t hang out here when their shifts come to an end.
And that’s what troubles me about this staff – the abject lack of camaraderie. In...
August 2010
5 posts
Blossom (Part 4)
I agree with Greenie. Why would Mr. Walls talk to me about Stripe’s job performance instead of Slate and Block? Whatever – Stripe is a cranky asshole, and that is exactly what I told Walls. No matter how meticulous the guy is with the minutiae of his job, I wouldn’t want him as a boss. He can’t talk to people like a normal person would.
Does that make me a bitch for being so candid and...
Greenie (Part 4)
Mr. Walls came to chat with me last week, and that made me really nervous. He’s a nice boss, but I’m the newest hire around here, and I don’t want to lose my job. To my surprise, he wanted to “chat a bit” (his words) with me. Specifically, he wanted to know what I thought of Mr. Stripe as a co-worker.
At first, I was at a loss for what to say. I don’t like talking badly about people or talking...
Block (Part 4)
So, I talked to Slate about Stripe getting rejected for that promotion until he learns to be nicer to people. And it seemed that Walls didn’t talk to him, which I thought had happened, since he didn’t talk to me either. Hell, I work directly with the guy, so shouldn’t my opinion matter?
Oh well, my predictions were proven correct. Stripe isn’t going anywhere until he finds a way to stop being a...
Slate (Part 4)
Block told me earlier today that Slate didn’t get that desk job, since he didn’t get a good peer evaluation from his co-workers. That bit of news didn’t surprise me. What surprised me is that Walls didn’t speak with me, though I’m sure he talked to Block. Block probably ripped the guy a new one. They don’t like each other much.
I wish Stripe would let me help him with his people skills. He is a...
Stripe (Part 4)
Dammit. Mr. Walls came back to see me today. He informed me that I needed to build up a greater, healthier rapport with my co-workers before I can step into that promotion. He thinks that I have the abilities to do the nitty-gritty aspects of the job, but I lack some of the social skills required to lead people effectively.
Dammit. I want to confront Slate and Block about this, because I’m...
July 2010
3 posts
Turistas (Part 3)
Honey! Hey honey! Come here! Aren’t these so cute? They would look so good on you! Let’s try them on. It won’t take too long. I promise.
Excuse me. Do you have any more of this style? I don’t want to buy the floor model. Oh. It’s all out here on the floor? Are you sure you don’t have any in back stock somewhere? You don’t store anything in the back? Well, let me see what else you have out on the...
Wobbles & Slats (Part 3)
People wonder how we stay so positive all of the time. It’s simple – we like people. We feel that, despite how rough it can be for small businesses these days, people will see that we genuinely enjoy their presence in our shop. In return, they will flock here to experience our accelerated level of customer service acumen.
We natural optimists, so we choose to run a shop that actively combats all...
Blossom (Part 3)
Most of the time, I’m angry with myself for feeling stuck in a dead-end job. Then again, maybe I should be pissed off at the resort for selling me a bill of goods on a job that proved to be much more monotonous than promised. I have a brain, a BBA from a decent college, and plenty of ambition. So why did I decide to take an entry-level customer relations assistant position when I could have done...
June 2010
5 posts
Greenie (Part 3)
This place really confuses me. I like what I do, and the whole situation is proving to be a good stepping-stone for me into the future. Yet, while I do find my co-workers to be rather decent people, they’re also supremely flighty and conflicted: one day, they’re on top of the world, and the next, they can’t talk without complaining about something.
Is this how life really is, so full of grey...
Block (Part 3)
What. The. Fuck.
Why in the hell is Mr. Walls giving Stripe a promotion? That complaining sonofabitch doesn’t deserve any sort of reward, except for a swift kick in the ass.
I will never understand the sort of logic that employers use, whether they’re direct supervisors or the sort of automatons that work in Human Resources. Forget that “Peter Principle” bullshit – telling Stripe that you’re...
Slate (Part 3)
As I’m sure you’ve heard from Blossom already, I lost my cool last week while leading a tour. It was my worst blow-up ever – by far. Mr. Walls reamed me out for it, and I deserved it.
Yes, I’m a professional, and yes, the customer is always right, but I’m convinced that woman came onto my tour that day with the explicit intention of being obnoxious and trying to get on my nerves.
Still, I...
Stripe (Part 3)
Mr. Walls came to visit me today. The meeting was much more productive than I would have imagined it to be. He told me that he has been pleased with my performance lately, and I’m quoting, “Though you work a somewhat thankless job and often deal with the worst of our visitors, you’ve proven yourself to be remarkably efficient.”
In short, Walls offered me a promotion out of the yard and into the...
Turistas (Part 2)
Pompous, self-important sonofabitch. Just because you happen to work here doesn’t give you the right to be rude to me and give me your pat answers to my questions. The brochure for this resort promised me certain shopping opportunities and I’ll be damned if you’re going to deny me the chance to spend my money.
I quite enjoyed making you flustered and angry, so much so that you blamed your pretty...
May 2010
4 posts
Wobbles & Slats (Part 2)
What a great day it is! Plenty of visitors means plenty of business. Plenty of business means plenty of sales. Plenty of sales means plenty of money. And plenty of money means plenty of smiles for the two of us.
The best part about this job is all of the people watching that we get to do, as it provides ripe conversation fodder back in the employee lounge later. We’ve seen relationships come to...
Blossom (Part 2)
Damn it! I am so pissed off right now. Slate got aggravated at some whiny bitch of a soccer mom, the sort that regularly complains about the lack of a certain type of boutique. Normally, Slate is fairly cool, calm, and collected, but he lost it this time. It all fell apart when he asked her politely to save her questions until the end of the tour, but she persisted in talking over, above, and...
Greenie (Part 2)
To be sure, my patience is tested often around these parts, but I shrug it off with a smile. What’s a bad day amongst my fellow human beings that I can’t forgive? I think it’s my job to try and turn frowns upside down here at the resort, whether it’s co-workers or our visitors. Just because I don’t seem to be as grumpy as most people doesn’t give me the right to look down up on them for their...
Block (Part 2)
Though I know that people don’t believe me, but I do enjoy the monotony of my existence. I know what’s going to happen at work each day. There’s nothing new under the sun with this job, so I don’t go out of my way to try and make it more exciting that it is. I run a parking lot and help out with safety measures regarding our visitors. That’s it. If I do my job properly, no one should notice...
April 2010
4 posts
Slate (Part 2)
The tough part of my job is dealing with those folks who complain the entire tour. They bitch about the lack of options for entertainment, they moan about the actual activities we’re currently engaged in, and they insist on contradicting my every word. If I hear some frosted-haired woman and her fake-tanned husband whine, “But the website said blah blah blah,” one more time, I think I might go...
Stripe (Part 2)
People ask me why I take crappy jobs like parking lot attendant and security guard when I have a college degree and professional, “real world” experience. My answer depends upon the day. Today, I have no clue what I’m doing here. Other days, I have a ready-made response that includes details about my preference to work with people and not locked into some sort of cubicle somewhere.
Most of the...
Turistas (Part 1)
Honey? Something tells me that this place isn’t as nice as what we read about in the brochure. How do I know? Well, for one, things don’t look as crisp and sharp as they did on that website.
Why are you laughing? What do you mean, “Don’t you know how PR works?” I expect things to be prettier in real life than in pictures. Is that too much to ask? Of course I can judge based upon appearances! I...
Wobbles & Slats (Part 1)
Good afternoon! Step right up! Take a seat!
Howya feeling? Whatcha drinking? Whatcha thinking? Whatcha reading? Whatcha seen today? What looks interesting to you today?
We’re gonna take care of your every need, so settle in, peruse the menu a bit, and let us know what sounds good to you. We’ve got stuff for every palette, for every set of taste buds – salty, sweet, rich, creamy, fat-free,...
March 2010
5 posts
Blossom (Part 1)
I admire Greenie’s zest for life and his over-the-top energy, mostly because that used to be me. I think it’s good for new hires to be so eager to help others, absorbing their world like a sponge. But for his sake, I hope he takes in a bit of Block’s realism and Slate’s practicality, or he’s going to burn out very quickly.
Me? Who am I? I’m Blossom. I work alongside Slate in customer...
Greenie (Part 1)
Hey there guys! Thanks for coming today!
I’m really excited that you’re here and that you’ve decided to pay us a visit. The more people, the better I say. Without you, I’d be bored and wouldn’t serve a purpose.
How long have I worked here, you ask? Only a few weeks: I’m freshly planted, you might say. It’s a real treat to be here, and I welcome the opportunity to grow. Feel free to get close,...
Block (Part 1)
Most of my co-workers think that I’m a big, dense, dumb lump, but I just don’t like to talk. Hell, I’m paid to stand still and keep people from going where they shouldn’t. There’s no reason for me to jabber on that much.
I simply use my brute strength to do what Stripe can’t – and damn is he annoying! He complains that no one listens to him, but I think he’s bored and ready for a new job. ...