That’s right! After several weeks of re-writes and rounds of edits, I’m proud to say that If This Parking Lot Could Speak is now available in paperback form! Last week, Substance Vs Style posted the book as a pdf that you could download for your Kindle or iPad, but it’s now time for you to purchase a physical copy for your summertime reading!

Thanks so much for reading for the past few months, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the book!

To all of the wonderful people who’ve been following along with these stories over the course of 2010 —

You are sincerely in my debt. I hope you like what you’ve read, as I’ve certainly enjoyed crafting this multi-layered tale of retail and customer service intrigue.  What began as a lark (or a bit of exercise for my writing skills) one morning while bored at work at Sunglass Hut has now grown into more than I could have imagined. The feedback I’ve received from friends and family has been fantastic, and I’ve really learned a great deal about the process of writing, editing, and creating works of fiction.

The primary reason for this addendum to the series is that I have some great news to share with the world. The fine folks at Substance Vs Style found this story cycle of mine back in November and have decided to publish my book. Yes, yours truly will become an actual published author sometime in early 2011. 

The timeline looks something like this: when the final product is complete (editing, layout, etc. are finished), the publisher will post the book up as a free electronic download (for people’s fancy e-reader devices), and once the physical product returns from the printer, it will be available to purchase for $10.00 from the publisher’s website. As these events approach, I will certainly be spreading the news so that anyone and everyone possible can purchase a copy, and I hope to obtain some copies for myself so that I can distribute/sell them directly to people in the real world.

Again, thanks so much for reading over the past 9 or so months, and thanks to Samantha and Car of Substance Vs Style for providing me this fantastic opportunity. I look forward to your continued support in the months and years to come.

Peace.

APN.

Third Coast Resort

1 Third Coast Way

South Padre Island, TX 78597

November 22^nd, 2010

Dear Valued Patron:

We regret to inform you that your favorite vacation home for the past several years, Third Coast Resort, has decided to close its doors for good. This turn of events has come to a shock to us all, but our investors and senior management felt that we could no longer allow the resort to continue on its current path.

We were hoping to make some significant renovations for the new calendar year, complete with some major program shuffles and reformatting, in hopes of attracting both old and new clientele to our beloved resort; however, ownership felt it would be more financially prudent to simply sell the place as it is.

We are so very thankful for your many years of dedicated and faithful patronage. We hope that this letter doesn’t disappoint your family as much as it has us. It is our hope that Third Coast Resort has given your family a lifetime of wonderful memories. We remember each and every one of you fondly.

Sincerely,

Grey D. Walls

Our family has come to this resort every year for the past decade or so, and I can’t remember any time when the staff was ever as lackluster as it was on our last visit. Sure, all of our needs were met, but there was never any enthusiasm. Everyone went through the motions – when a five-year-old asks why the guy in the parking lot looks so sad each day, you know something is wrong. 

Doesn’t the staff understand that most people frequent certain places because of the special treatment, not the specifics of the goods and services? Most resorts have all of the same stuff. Customers return again and again because the staff allows them to experience the place with fresh eyes and good spirits. A good staff believes in what it’s doing, day in and day out. This place was just sad and barely mediocre this year.

You’d think that the management would prompt the staff to be extra friendly in a down economy, in an attempt to really ingratiate themselves on us customers, but it’s been the total opposite here. My family just might look for a new place to vacation next year.

We’re happy to tell you that we’ve found an excellent new retail space, and it’s only a few blocks away from our current location. It’s slightly smaller and more expensive in terms of square footage, but it’s right on the main drag. Thus, our old customers should be able to find us easily, and we’ll be able to attract new customers quite easily. 

Why are we leaving right as the resort begins new renovations over the winter? Well, we decided that we couldn’t pass up this opportunities this new places will provide us. The resort has been our home for the past five years, but our contract is up, and we’ve got big plans for ourselves.

We only hope that young Mr. Greenie will accept the job we’ve offered him. We value his optimism and go-getter attitude, so he would be great running the front of house for us, working directly with customers.

We’re so excited!

I do feel sorry for Greenie, as I came out to the resort a couple of seasons ago to try much the same thing – free myself from my parents’ clutches and make my own way in the world. The trouble with that approach is two-fold: 1) there’s no real way to create, much less advance, any sort of career at this place, and 2) your parents generally do want what’s best for you in life. 

As I see it, there’s zero shame in going home, taking a break, and accepting help from the people that love you. I don’t plan on staying at home for very long, but my parents have the room, resources, and contacts to lend several hands. So why shouldn’t I graciously receive their gift?

I hope that kid finds what he thinks he wants or needs out of life very soon, or he really will have to go home groveling. Following Block’s lead wouldn’t be a very good idea, and Greenie certainly doesn’t have the street smarts necessary to figure out how to survive on his own yet. Maybe Slate or Walls will throw the guy a bone – he’s certainly the sort of fresh-faced employee they prefer around here.

I’m really at a loss for what to do next. Mr. Slate wants me to stay here and assist him with the winter renovations, but Mr. Stripe and Mr. Block warned me that he couldn’t be trusted. The real problem I have with this entire situation is that I don’t have another job or place to stay in this area if I’m not employed at the resort. 

I’ve thought about asking Mr. Block for help, but he runs with a rough crowd of people. I’m not that tough or experienced, so he’d be sacrificing a lot of what he calls “street cred” to give a guy like me any aid. Also working against me is the fact that Mr. Stripe isn’t the easiest guy to get along with, and Ms. Blossom is going home to prepare for graduate school.

I wonder if those nice gentlemen who run that nifty café, Mr. Wobbles and Mr. Slats, would give me a job. I think that our personalities match up quite well.

Most important to this entire internal discussion I’m having here is that I don’t want to return home to my parents’ house with my tail between my legs, begging them for a room, employment, or anything else. I’m too old for that sort of stuff, and I’ve really come to enjoy the sense of independence I’ve gained from working here at the resort.

Get this – that pompous prick Slate came to be yesterday and offered me what he called “a second chance.” “A second chance for what?” I asked him. “You know, another chance here at the resort, after you almost got us sued over your shenanigans with that couple,” he responded haughtily. 

I told him that I didn’t need him, his condescending attitude, or his job. Stripe and I might not really get along, but Slate treated him like shit, and I could never work for such a self-righteous asshole. That guy would throw Walls under the bus if it gave him an advantage with his job opportunities.

Where will I work? Somewhere. Anywhere. Sleep Rey’s. Construction. A warehouse. Some place where my muscles are needed, and I don’t have to worry about workplace politics. I don’t want to see this place ever again.

Well, I finally got to share my big news with the staff over the weekend. I’m excited to see how everything pans out over the course of the off-season. I have high hopes for this project, as I should be able to flip the results into a partnership for myself here at the resort. If that doesn’t happen, well, let’s just say that I should be able to turn it into a similar (or better) opportunity at a similar place. 

In terms of staff, I know that Stripe won’t stay, but he won’t be missed. Blossom is heading to graduate school, and I wish her well. I think Block will stick around – he needs a job, and I need his strong back, so I’ll give him another chance. And something tells me that Greenie will be staying here as well. Blossom told me that the kid wants to learn the ropes of blue-collar life from Block. Strange bedfellows indeed.

I’m ready to get to work. I’ve been trying to advance my career for some time now, so I need to strike as hard as I possibly can while the iron is hot. If I’m going to replace Walls, I need to exceed everyone expectations (especially my own).

I’m done with this place. I’ve had it. Sure, my mood hasn’t been the best for much of this season, but I’ve been a hard worker who’s tried to be a good employee, and I attempted to rise above the fray whenever I could. 

So, I was floored, struck dumb, and totally embarrassed at the end-of-year party yesterday. Slate had this big reveal where he told everyone that Mr. Walls had put him in charge of major off-season renovations around the resort. Not only did he yank my promotion out from under me, but he did so in full view of the entire staff, and he deceived me about the news in general. Nothing will make a stomach full of finger foods and cheap well whiskey quaver in fear then your co-workers giving you sad-faced glances while we listen to the new boss and his big plans.

Look – I’m not interesting in spreading rumors or causing a big stink with this. I just want people to know what Slate’s really all about. Do people really want to be led by someone as sneaky and self-serving as this guy? Do they really think that he has their best interests at heart, especially when a few “I’s” slip in right beside all of those team-building “We’s” he uses.

All I know is that I can’t work for a guy like that. I’m out of here.